Make a list of even the invisible tasks
When conflict arises over household chores, it's important to look not only at the visible cleaning, but also at planning tasks such as remembering to run out of supplies, scheduling doctor's appointments or repairs, or thinking about meal plans. If one person has to keep remembering and making requests, it can create a burden that is independent of their actual time in charge.
First, write down the things that repeat for a week. Breaking things down like cleaning, grocery shopping, meal preparation, dishes, laundry, checking bills, and writing down the frequency and approximate time makes it easier to talk about different criteria. The list is not a scorecard for who is doing more, but rather a tool to collectively understand the current burden.
Agree on roles and standards
“Keep the house clean” may have different standards for each person. Try to specifically agree on the time and completion status, such as “clean up the kitchen counter every evening,” or “have the person in charge turn and hang the laundry when the laundry bin is full.”
You should also share whether taking charge of a task means not waiting for instructions every time, but rather checking when necessary and taking responsibility for completing it. During weeks when your schedule is different, you may want to consider switching things up or using outside help. Reflect realistic conditions such as available time, physical strength, and health status.
look back regularly
Check back in a few weeks to see if the division you have decided is actually fair and sustainable. Ask questions to help solve the problem, such as “What was the most burdensome part of this division?” or “Is there anything that can be changed to make it less cumbersome?” When a person's circumstances change, previous agreements may no longer fit.
Fairness is not always the same thing as doing the same thing for the same amount of time. The important thing is to make sure that one party's needs and contributions are not continually being treated as invisible, and that this is done in an agreed upon way by both parties. Make sure you don't take the other person's extra administrative labor for granted just because you did your job well.
Although MBTI can explain your organizational style and schedule preferences, your type does not determine your role in household chores. It is realistic to determine the division of burden based on current conditions and mutual agreement.