When planning a date differs: Between impromptu and prepared

What Planning Methods Mean

Some people feel comfortable planning a date a few days in advance, while others want to decide based on their mood and situation on the day. Wanting to prepare in advance may not mean you want to control things, and wanting to decide spontaneously may not mean you are inconsiderate of the other person.

However, when planning methods differ, one person may feel uncertain and the other may feel lost in options. Before evaluating someone based on their personality or MBTI, try to figure out what made them uncomfortable and the actual situation.

Divide the items to decide

Trying to agree on all the elements of a date at once can lead to lengthy conversations. Share things you need to check in advance, such as travel time, budget, activities that require reservations, and options around where to eat.

For example, “Let’s meet on Saturday afternoon and make a reservation at a restaurant for dinner. Let’s decide whether to go for a walk or go to a cafe based on the weather,” together you can decide on a basic plan and what areas you want to open. Having two or three options provides predictability for those who want to plan and choice for those who want to improvise.

Respond flexibly to changes

If your plans change, let those affected know as soon as possible. Explaining the reasons for the change and suggesting an alternative will help the other person change their arrangements. Conversely, there is no need to decide that changing a situation is impossible just because you have a plan.

After the date is over, briefly share what was good and what was difficult. If one person is still in charge of the next plan, you can take turns or have each person take charge of the part they are good at. Cooperation begins with jointly finding a way to coordinate rather than one perfect agreement.

MBTI judgment/perception preferences alone cannot determine who should be in charge of planning. It is more important to check your actual schedule and preferences, and choose a way that both people can participate comfortably.