Treat type descriptions as a reference

An MBTI type is not a complete manual for quickly understanding a person. The compatibility results on this site are also a reference: they suggest topics to consider in a relationship based on two people’s preferences. A high or low score alone cannot tell you whether a relationship is good or bad.

If parts of a type description resonate with you, use them to start a conversation. If they don’t fit, a person’s actual experience matters more than a sentence about their type.

Ask instead of assuming

Try turning a guess based on type into a question you can ask the other person. A question leaves room for them to disagree and gives them space to explain what works for them.

Questions to start a conversation

  • “Do you feel more comfortable planning things ahead, or deciding as we go?”
  • “When something is difficult, would you rather I listen first, or work with you to find a solution?”
  • “How would you like me to know when you need time to sort through your thoughts?”

Answers can differ from one person to another, even among people of the same type. Focus on learning what feels comfortable for each of you, rather than trying to guess the right answer.

Look together at specific situations

Instead of ending the discussion with “That’s because our personalities are different,” talk about what each of you needed in a particular situation. For example, if you disagreed about when to meet or an important decision, you can explain what mattered to each of you and share what you might try next time.

When possible, describe the behavior you observed, how it affected you, and what you would like in the future. It is also important not to infer the other person’s intentions from their type alone.

Put personal experience ahead of type

People with the same type don’t necessarily think or live alike. And even when two people have different preferences, they can understand each other’s needs and work out ways to meet them. Relationships are shaped by many things beyond type, including each person’s experiences, values, and current circumstances.

Use MBTI MATCH results as a supporting tool for finding topics to discuss—not as a way to judge each other or decide the fate of a relationship.