A basic perspective on preference pairs
The four letters in MBTI represent four pairs of preferences. Rather than judging one preference as better or more correct, you can use the pairs to consider differences in what people may find comfortable when taking in and expressing information or organizing daily life.
Someone with a preference on one side can still use the other approach depending on the situation. The descriptions below are not a list that defines a person completely; they are starting points for asking about each other’s experiences.
Preferences for energy and information
E and I: How people recharge and share their thoughts
People who prefer Extraversion (E) may find it easier to work through their thoughts by talking or doing things with others. People who prefer Introversion (I) may prefer time to think alone before sharing their views. You can talk about how to balance time together with time to recharge on your own.
S and N: What people focus on when taking in information
People who prefer Sensing (S) may first look at specific facts or information they can verify in the present. People who prefer Intuition (N) may focus on connected meanings or future possibilities. When making plans, it can help to consider practical constraints and possible options together, one at a time.
Preferences for decisions and lifestyle
T and F: Criteria considered when making judgments
People who prefer Thinking (T) may value the logic and consistency of a decision. People who prefer Feeling (F) may also consider how the decision affects people and relationships. When you disagree, you can name both criteria and take them into account in your decision.
J and P: How people plan and handle options
People who prefer Judging (J) may feel more comfortable when plans and schedules are settled. People who prefer Perceiving (P) may be more at ease keeping options open and responding to circumstances. Separating what needs to be decided in advance from what can be chosen in the moment can help account for both people’s needs.
Applying the preferences in relationship conversations
Once you know the four pairs, ask what actually feels comfortable instead of predicting someone’s response from their type. Specific questions such as “Which way feels better to you?” or “Is there anything you’d like to decide in advance in this situation?” can help you understand preferences in everyday life.
One person’s preferences do not determine their role in a relationship. When your answers differ, look for an approach you can use together in each situation rather than treating one person’s way as the right answer.