Start with a light topic

You don't necessarily have to ask special questions when talking to someone you've just met. Start with topics that are light to answer, such as where you are now or what activities you recently enjoyed. Questions are not meant to test the other person or guess their type, but are an invitation to get to know each other's interests.

Examples of questions that can start a conversation include:

  • “What do you usually do on your days off these days?”
  • “Have you seen a movie or book you’ve read recently that you enjoyed?”
  • “How did you find out about this place?”
  • “Have you learned anything new or are you interested in these days?”

Rather than asking several questions at once, ask one question and give time to hear the answer. If it's a topic the other person is interested in, you can find follow-up questions within the story.

Listen to the answer and continue

After hearing the other person’s answer, try pointing out what you remember rather than repeating “Why?” You can ask something specific like, “You said you go hiking every weekend. Is there a course you like best?” If you share some similar experiences or thoughts, the conversation won't flow like an interview.

The length and tone of each answer may vary. If the other person answers briefly, you can suggest a different topic or take a break rather than probing further. You can have a natural conversation without necessarily filling the silence.

Respect conversation boundaries

Personal topics such as family, income, health, and dating experiences can be burdensome before intimacy is established. If the other person hesitates or moves on to another topic, respect their choice without forcing them to answer. To a question you don't want to answer, you can say, "I don't want to talk about that yet."

Although you can use your MBTI type as a conversation starter, it's important not to assume that you know someone based on their type alone. You can have a more specific and comfortable conversation by listening to the experience the person is sharing rather than just four words.